There is no one who can take care of you like you!
As we walk this journey of life and aim towards being fulfilled, we cannot forget about our own needs, goals, and purposes. Parenthood, careers, friendships and relationships tend to creep above our own desires in their own slow, and sometimes, damaging way if we aren’t careful. No matter how determined or strong we think we are, the constant demands of everyday life can eventually cause wear and tear, depleting us if we let it. However, at some point we have to be intentional and consistent with remembering that we are just as important as the needs of others.
I wasn’t always a person that put my needs first, and eventually, it wore me out mentally and created a lot of disappointing moments in my life because I thought that people would sacrifice their needs like I sacrificed mine. This was at no fault of theirs and definitely with no ill intentions. Hey, maybe they learned about balancing their needs and others’ needs long before I did or are just selfish natured by way of DNA. However, once I noticed that I was putting other people’s needs before mine on a regular basis and when it started to take its toll on my mental, emotional and physical self, and at times even taking a toll on my self-worth, I knew something had to give without me feeling guilty so I could live a balanced life. Hence, the creation of, what I affectionally call, No Wade Wednesday.
Once a week, Wednesday to be exact, I withdraw myself from the demands of daily life and the ongoing responsibility of being a full-time mom. I remember me on “No Wade Wednesday!” This day originated in the early part of my life transition when the heavy load of trying to be mom of the year and my Leo prideful ways were taking their toll on me (I was not asking anybody for help at all). My then therapist MADE me devote one day to myself during the week so that I could stay balanced and relieve the pressure of not getting a break.
On this day, it is all about me! I let my hair down, relax at the spa, go to some of my favorite restaurants, while making it a habit to discover new ones. I spend quality time with some of my favorite people if I feel like it or sit at home and process life’s challenges so that I can gain wisdom and direction to make important decisions in the upcoming days and weeks. I replenish my soul and forget about all the demands of life that await me. Some Wednesdays have even been devoted to me having a dance off with myself in the mirror to my favorite songs while cleaning up the travesty I call a bedroom. This along with the other small things listed assist me in making sure my needs are met, helping me to create a safe and realistic balance I need in order to reduce my need to give, give, give without feeling the heavy guilt I tend to experience when I am just not able to do so.
We all know we can’t pour from what we don’t have. We can’t give from empty cups
This time to disconnect from the needs of others is necessary to my survival. It took me a while to realize this because I am such a caring person by nature and by way of DNA (both of my parents are HUGE givers). Nonetheless, I have accepted that I can’t be there for everyone all the time. I find peace in knowing, that if I am not okay, I won’t be able to pour back into the universe and give it the best that I have when having to rise to the occasion. We all know we can’t pour from what we don’t have. We can’t give from empty cups. Hence, I’ve come to terms with it not being wrong for me to think of others and give them the best that I have but not at the expense of my own happiness, peace and love.
“Finding delight in making sure that your needs are met will help you create joy, and you will, without a doubt, find new strength to show up in other areas of your life. “
Creating realistic boundaries and balance is the key to being selfishly unselfish. I encourage you all to pick one day out of the week that belongs to YOU! Give it a cool name! It takes the guilt away. And if you’re a parent, single or married, secure a babysitter for just that day and find something to do for you and you only, and stick to it by any means necessary. No kids allowed. No husbands allowed. No boyfriends allowed. No work allowed—just you! I promise you as the day approaches you will be excited and ready to cut the cord from anything or anyone the requires you not to think of yourself. Finding delight in making sure that your needs are met will help you create joy, and you will, without a doubt, find new strength to show up in other areas of your life.
You need you more than anyone else needs you. Go make a space and a day for your spirit to be free!
P.S. I’ll be looking forward to hearing the cool names that you give to your day of fun and solitude!