Let heartache make you kind. The Not So Boujee Partners in Healing

You heard me right. I used heartache and kind in the same sentence. If you’re anything like me, your response went something similar to mine: “Let what? Excuse me…now wait just a minute.” I know hearing heartache and kind in the same sentence sounds absurd. It did make me gag when I wrote it. My vision got a little blurred, too. Sounds rather foolish to say the least. To a 16-year-old who has experienced her first heartache due to rejection, this is just noise. To an 18-year-old college student who must face the guy she’s interested in walking around campus with someone else, heartache and kind should never be used in the same sentence. And to the couple who have been married 20+ years and decide they’ve grown apart, throw heartache and kindness out the window at full speed.

Heartache and bitterness sound more realistic, common and humanistic. Anyone who experiences heartache and chooses kindness must be borderline nuts! Let’s be clear… really, really clear. The initial reaction of any human being who has experienced heartache is anger, sadness, pain, grief, bitterness and even depression. These are normal reactions. Anyone skipping around after heartache is a dangerous human being—a numb one, too. Nevertheless, you can choose to drown in being the victim of heartache or drown in conquering, putting the pieces of your heart back together with kindness within your soul, patience with your pain and empathy with your healing. 

Being bitter and broken delays this process and no one fully recovers with the heaviness that bitterness can create. You may move forward, but you will never fully move on until you add some kindness to the heartache. 

  • Be kind to your soul and let it heal. Bitterness ruins the spirit and scorns the soul, and if you’re not careful, can be irreparable. This can and will cause bad decision making when it comes to other relationships that, in turn, can unconsciously hurt others. We’ve all heard it: hurt people hurt people!  There is no way that I am saying downplay your emotions. Feel every piece of the heartache. Just don’t stay there. Your soul doesn’t deserve it.
  • Be kind to your meltdowns.  We all know that the pain associated with heartache comes and goes. We can be fine one minute, and the next minute, even seconds, our emotions are back out of whack and we are somewhere melting down or acting out, seeking and plotting the ultimate revenge. A song, the mention of a name, or Lord forbid, you lay eyes on the heartache predator, can all cause meltdowns. Needless to say, you can’t always control your meltdowns or the triggers that cause them, but you can control being okay with knowing that meltdowns are all a part of the healing process so that the frustrations of meltdowns won’t cause you to hate and fuel your anger.
  • Be kind to your tears. “Why am I still crying?”  We’ve all said these words once in our lives and with a whole lot of emotional confusion. Sometimes we even wonder how we even have any more tears to cry, saying to ourselves and maybe others, “I am stronger than this.” We then force ourselves to be okay, which may not be the best thing to do. Why? Acting okay can sometimes lead to a false reality of the true nature of the heartache, which leads to us never fully healing. It is something about when you can feel those tears coming down you face, that you can feel it leaving your soul as if God is helping you to be alright. They say only the strong survive, but sometimes the weak survive, too. The people who allow themselves to accept that they are not okay and allow the pure vulnerability of weakness to leave their bodies through their tears are also survivors.

“Some things, whether we know better or not, we cannot avoid, and heartache is one of those unchosen things.”

  • Be kind to what you didn’t know. Bitterness, anger, disappointment and grief can derive from us not being kind to ourselves and forgiving ourselves on what we didn’t know. We mope and wallow in feeling as if we should know better or should have known better when it comes to heartache experienced from things we feel as if we could have avoided. Some things, whether we know better or not, we cannot avoid, and heartache is one of those unchosen things. You’re human. You’re going to make mistakes. You’re going to choose the wrong relationships, friendships and make poor decisions, but when you know better, you do better. This happens only by being kind enough to yourself to know, and again, acknowledge your mistakes and rise, knowing you are doing the best you can.
  • Be kind to your bad days. If good days follow directly after heartache, get help and get help now. You are emotionless, and emotionless people are scary because they crash when they are forced to deal with their feelings and the people they hurt. We all know bad days can take you clean off the face of the earth! You can’t get out of bed, have no appetite, the smallest thing can frustrate you and the day seems as if it is never going to end. But those bad days are teaching you resilience, teaching you hope, increasing your faith and puts you in a position where you can only depend on God to see you through. Bad days make you mad. Oh, they make you feel like you’re losing your mind—a basket case. But be kind to them.  Don’t wish them away. Just know trouble and heartache don’t last always, and know bad days make you appreciate good days 10x more.
  • Be kind to yourself. As much as we love with our whole hearts, humans are flesh and will fail us every single time. Heck, we fail ourselves, and we can admit that we’ve failed others. Some of us have broken our own hearts by ignoring and allowing toxic behaviors of others to come and stay in our lives. It takes time and patience with ourselves to push pass pain because sometimes we don’t get to choose how we love. Sometimes it chooses us. However, I encourage anyone to be as kind and gentle with themselves when experiencing a loss and to take all the time they need as long as they don’t let hate get too comfortable or allow bitterness to become their new best friend.

“Who wants to live fleeing from what they think will undo them? Let it undo you. “

You can’t flee from heartache and all its emotions. I mean, you can and will end up bitter, angry and hopeless covering it up with accomplishments, money, relationships, social media and all other kinds of unhealthy distractions, but what type of quality of life is that? That road eventually dead ends.  Who wants to live fleeing from what they think will undo them? Let it undo you. Let the wounds sting; let heartache bring you to your knees, but don’t you dare let it make you bitter. Don’t you dare lose hope. Don’t you dare refuse to risk loving again.

Dress: ASOS
Socks: ASOS
Shoes: Nike Air Max

You deserve a rested soul, delicate love, a piece of mind, and happiness on this short time on earth because we are all just passing through. 

There is so much power in the kindness that heartache can bring.

One Reply to “Let heartache make you kind. The Not So Boujee Partners in Healing”

  1. Reading this post was very refreshing. To be honest, I never thought about how heartache, of any degree, could and should make you kind. No one wants to be miserable forever.


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