Believe it or not, life can come at you fast. You can be sitting with your feet kicked up reading a good book one minute and then in the blink of an eye you can be face down in your own misery. That basically sums up a part of my life three years ago. What happened so fast seemed to be killing me slowly. Life was happening to me and it wasn’t the good stuff, it wasn’t avoidable, and it wasn’t what I planned for my life. A divorce. The ending of something that I thought and wanted to last forever. I can vividly remember sitting on my bed saying, “Where the hell do I go from here?” yet in that moment, new life was already beginning.
This is only my opinion from my own experience, but no matter how or why a divorce happens, it is painful, and it is no way to sugarcoat such a life altering occurrence. I am pretty sure that this is why tons of people stay in unhealthy situations or marriages because letting go of a bond that strong and start over, to them, would be too painful and overwhelming to bear-trust me I get it.
Divorce eats you up from the inside out like a bad infection. There is no way to instantly treat it, no vaccine to make it go away, no home remedy to ease or comfort the soul. It is probably the closest to a near death experience I’ve ever faced. However, there is an undeniable reality that must be faced head on, no chaser, when things suddenly fall apart to the point of no repair or no return. You must roll with the punches and get knocked down more times than you can stand not knowing that the entire time you have what it takes buried down deep inside of you to get up, stay up, walk forward and be happy again. You just must want it and want it bad.
“I wanted to be happy again and I eventually wanted to walk forward yet at my own pace because I wanted to heal correctly and not get out of healing prematurely.”
I wanted it! I wanted to be ok! I wanted to be happy again and I eventually wanted to move forward yet at my own pace because I wanted to heal correctly and not get out of healing prematurely. Would not highly recommend! I made a vow to myself to give my son the healthiest mom and not carry the dissolution of my marriage by being bitter and angry because I knew one day that I would choose to love deeply again. I wanted to be around to see my son grow up and reach his fullest potential even though I would partially have to do it alone and this probably frightened me the most. Can I do all of this alone?
And I did and continue to with tons of support, love, friends, and now healthy co-parenting and I couldn’t be happier. When you choose yourself, you find yourself. The freedom that comes with choosing yourself when a relationship ends suddenly, while working on your mental health, is an unmatched joy, especially when you know what it took to get to this place. When you shed the embarrassment of your marriage failing, you kick over the bucket of shame for now being a single mom, you light a fire to feeling like a failure, and take control of your happiness despite what society makes you feel like you should have done to then create an adventurous life for yourself and your son, you can only go up from there.
Living in your truth generates peace, clarity and an unapologetically happiness that becomes addictive and contagious to say the least. You are happier because you know what extreme sadness and depression feels like. You love harder because you know what not feeling loved feels like. You smile more because you thought you’d never smile again. You appreciate and are grateful for small joys because you watched one of your biggest joys dissolve. You make a vow to yourself to enjoy every bit of happiness you can stand and shed any bit of something or someone that puts your happiness in danger.
My divorce gave my life more direction. This journey has not been an easy one and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, however I wouldn’t trade it—I don’t wish that this didn’t happened to me. It had to happen for me to blossom, to grow, to evolve, to encourage, to inspire, to live without fear, to remember my value, to move with courage while demanding respect, peace and to reach my fullest potential as a woman and as a mom. It had to happen so that my ex-husband and I could grow as individuals separately in order to give our son the best life that we can give him because we will always be family. It had to happen so that I could discover more things about myself that make me happy outside of being a once wife and full-time mom, even if I had to do it alone-yet knowing that no one will have the power to take this happiness away.
My life is more of a celebration now than a survival, pity state of existence, and I think it is time to change the narrative of what a divorced, single mom “looks” like. It does not equate to misery, loneliness, being unfulfilled, less loved or less deserving of the best that life must give. It doesn’t equate to being stagnant, flawed, imperfect, frustrated, overwhelmed, unhappy, unlovable, lacking direction, failure and just being in survival mode. Being a divorced, single mom embodies courage, strength, wisdom, faith, hope, respect, forgiveness, new direction, higher standards, power, boldness, adjusting, gratitude, uniqueness, love, smiles, laughter, intentional living, and the creation of a spontaneous new life while making little moments matter.
I’m free! I’m free to be me. I’m free to be happy. I’m free to stand on my own two feet. I’m free to rewrite how my story ends. I am even free to one day love deeply and passionately again. My soul is at peace, divorced from a eleven year marriage and becoming a single mom scared the common sense out of me, but I made it, we made it, foot by foot, step by step, crawl by crawl-we made it and because I made the conscious choice to heal for me and my son, I can now continue to unapologetically and authentically thrive, travel, co-parent wholeheartedly, maintain a social life, enjoy meaningful relationships and my career, inspire, be all things “Wade Mama”, add tax to my value and just simply enjoy life, a well-designed life.
So YES! I am divorced, a single mom yet the happiest I’ve ever been!
No go be UNAPOLOGETICALLY happy!
A warm thank you to my phenomenal therapist, Dr. Makini Austin, who used her high-level of therapeutic skills and tools to aid me in healing and rebuilding my life. Thank you for your strong sense of compassion and commitment to helping me “run through the park” again. http://www.akomacounseling.com/