In such a fast-paced, social media driven world, there exists this illusion that you must be up all the time. Or forget social media, just life, the expectation of strength despite life circumstances is the most unrealistic concept and is sometimes unobtainable as well. As my close friend and I say constantly when we are tackling the hardships of life, “being strong is overrated.”
I truly value my ability to inspire. It is truly my God-given purpose that I am forever grateful for and that fuels my everyday joy. I am pretty sure this is why I became a teacher. However, as we all know, life is forever, beautifully changing and evolving. The good, the bad and the ugly show up intertwined and can throw you for a loop even when you are DJ Khalid “All the Way Up!”
“I’m still enjoying my career, surviving the ups and downs of dating, co-parenting is booming and my heart is in a good place.”
I have written several blogs on finding your joy after unfortunate life-altering events and being a fly mom while doing it― it has been my thing you understand me; my safe place, my therapy, and my joy. 11 months ago you could not tell me that I was not in a good place by having a pleasing blog, knowing I was inspiring women around the world, young and old; creating a life that I can now call my own after a divorce and not feel guilty of the fact that I’m still healing; my son is thriving, I’m still enjoying my career, surviving the ups and downs of dating (*inserts laughing emoji-still can’t believe I am dating), co-parenting is booming and my heart is in a good place.
But despite all those good things, real life began to happen as it always will, and in this season, I was tired of being strong. So…
I had to break up with my blog to be able to authentically inspire again.
I never want to fake inspiration or happiness, post a few quotes from Pinterest to appear okay. No!
When I am not ok because my normalcy has changed due to Covid-19, I sit uncomfortably and recharge while I learn more about myself and how to adjust to change and a pandemic.
When I am not ok because I am spending 8 hours+ a day sitting behind a computer, stagnant, teaching when I am a vibrant, all in your face teacher, I sit uncomfortable and recharge while being thankful for employment during this time.
When I am not ok because my co-parenting has been challenged due to unforeseen circumstances, I sit uncomfortably and recharge while seeking therapy to aid me in maturely handling the ups and downs of co-parenting yet being thankful that my son has two parents that love him unconditionally and are able to give him a great life.
When I am not ok because I am experiencing the effects of anxiety when it comes to dating in 2020 after being in a 15-year relationship, I sit uncomfortably and recharge while truly enjoying the experience, learning about my needs when it comes to meaningful and romantic relationships and patting myself on the back for knowing and accepting that I will love deeply again—why not?
“I lost the first man to ever truly love me, my father.”
And lastly, when I am not doing ok because I lost the first man to ever truly love me, my father, I sit uncomfortably for as long as it takes to deal, heal, and recharge while I grieve his absence and think of all the memories and things he taught me over the years. I am who I am because of that man!
I needed to sit uncomfortably with all my stuff and get some major control of my mind so that I could get back into a good place mentally in order to be able to authentically inspire again.
I value what I give to the world and how I show up. I am very intentional about what is shared, why I share it and when I share it. It is all a part of my mission for starting a blog. When you truly know your purpose in life, you cannot play with it or take it for granted by not being in touch with it. You have to spend time with your purpose and treat it delicately or it will not come into fruition and eventually it will become a dream deferred.
What do you do when you are not inspired to inspire? What do you do when you once could gather all the daily wisdom you obtained and share it with the world so eloquently while being transparent enough to share your truth and you go to not caring who you touch which leaves you with no desire to publish not a one blog or schedule one fashionable photo shoot?
What do you do?
You do not inspire!
“There are a lot of sad people posting happy pictures!”
You do not inspire until you are ready while you wholeheartedly deal with the lack of inspiration and what is causing it, which for me was sadness and anxiety. Why? Because that is then going to become what will be the source for which you inspire again. You cannot fake inspiration. Someone posted the other day, “There are a lot of sad people posting happy pictures!”. I never wanted or want this to be my narrative. There is no authenticity in faking happiness that you in turn want to appear to be inspiring. You are fooling no one but yourself, and you will eventually have to sit uncomfortably to face your own truth at some point down the road. And you should. You should take the time to truly see yourself as you are no matter how long it takes you to get back into your blissful, ever so loving, peaceful environment of showing up for yourself so that you can show up for others and be who you truly are designed to be. You should never feel guilty for not being able to show up because of life, and most definitely, do not let anyone make you feel bad for not being able to especially not social media likes, acceptances, approvals or validations.
Be patient with yourself. Rest. Be still and you will know when it is time to rise like a phoenix again!
It is time for me! Boujee Black Mama is bizzack on her own terms and oh so ready to share what I’ve learned during this time of isolation, sadness, reflection and lack of inspiration!
Love you Daddy!
“Now go be happy!”